i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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