then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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