Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
