So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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