The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
The Olympian is in my bed
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