where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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