I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
