Small penises have feelings too.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
