I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
