I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
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