I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
