I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
