Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
