I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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