Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
