whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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