1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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