just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
