yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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