im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
