sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
