dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
