I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
