Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
