He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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