I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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