He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize