If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize