Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
