Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
