Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
