sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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