Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
