um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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