Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The chlamydia really affected his face.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
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