We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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