I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Are my feet made of real feet?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
