Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
So. Much. Porn.
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