i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
