my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
