it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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