Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
