Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
