So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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