Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
