Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
