im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
