i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
