Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
