yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
