I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
