can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
