When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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