How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Randomize
