Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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