Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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