I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
