Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
