Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
