I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
