if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
