ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
