Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She bit a glass in half.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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