I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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