when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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